what it looks like to get lost in time.

i am one of those people who starts to "clean" something and ends up sprawled out on the floor all teary-eyed 3 hours later pouring over every single photo album or old dairy or bin of keepsakes from when the girls where babies, in some kind of time warp, the sun setting and the broom abadoned.  no cleaning get's done, but i have been gloriously lost in time, fulfilled with the documentation of memories i continue to lug around with me from place to place. because who really wants to clean, anyway.  i want to remember. i want to feel it all.

apparently it's the same way while going through youtube trying to create space for new videos for my beautiful Arcanum people, so they can watch me ramble and act totally like The Fool and realize i don't know anything about anything but i sure got a whole hell of a lot of love and "ummms" and "so anyways".  while trying to upload and organize,  i started watching all these old videos. old one of the kids singing. of me sending love messages to friends in Ireland and San Diego and NY. vidoes from past writing groups. and videos for moonstorm sessions. and then i came cross this one. and i felt it appropriate -for some reason - to share it hear.

i never read my work and record it, truly, i don't.  can't stand to hear my voice {fuck, isn't that telling?} but in this one i say something about how we are not being created by a creation story. and  instead we are creating our own creation story.  this is such a big old gong bell in my heart. this feels like magic spider webs flowing from my fingertips and making sparkly silver worlds that cannot be defined and we are all whole. 

i wrote and read this many years ago. i know that because i remember recording it in the white house with the awesome bay view. the white house was the house after the farmhouse and before the disasterous remodel house which was before the yurt which took us to the house right here and now. which is only ours for a few more moments anyway. so in those terms, it was probably recorded 5 years ago. 

anyway, i wanted to share this. the words and the voice. and dedicate it to all of us who understand there is more than this. and also that this is all there is. and to those who are willing to get lost in order to feel. who are willing to die and grieve in order to liberate.  and i wanted to offer it up to all the beautiful and intuitive souls who are taking Arcanum as we journey through the cards-  which is really this exact  journey through the Self.